1. |
Dark Green Water
04:13
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All things fade into dark green water down by the lake
Mistakes were made and that's the heart of this pain
But I'll rejoice, I won't give anything
But forgiveness once you have the courage to explain
I learned this phrase from my father
He said "no perfection can ever bring joy"
Or, "there's none without it"
Like a life that has a start but no end
All aspiring comes with equal consequence, like some things we abuse and the joys they prevent
And I'll numb or stall all fall and pretend that dark water will cloak all our deepest intent
I said, you got this heart from your Mother
She bears all our suffering through the longest of years, too long lately, like a life that has a start but no end
I fear flawless life in a pure sense. Hold on best I can to a place where:
All things fade into dark green water down by the lake
Mistakes were made and that's the heart of this pain
But I'll reflect
I wont ask anything but forgiveness once I have the courage to explain
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2. |
Digger
04:54
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Digger, you're no superstar
purpose on the arm
But family in the heart
Digger, fighting with the cards
Patterns in the noise
And questions that are hard
A rock in retrograde
Says endure pain today
All things must evolve or fade
The tarot cards made me laugh
A guardian on the path
Hard to dream like i need to
Subtlety as a way through
Digger, digging til he starves
Slipped away from silent
Rest and carved the arm
Digger, fighting with the art
Hand off fate to chaos
something to outsmart
That’s why I hate you (digger that’s enough)
you're in my dreaming space
Erase these quivering weights
And replace with aphantasia's grace
All thoughts filter down
To voices in the crowd
Shaming for unspoken days
Violence in the things they whisper
Then the sound gets louder
Digger, always in the game
never was a game
And answers always hang
Digger, find another way
Arrows 'round the body
Sleep and dream in grey
That’s why I love you
Shouldn't go out in the darkness
Should have gone out in the dark
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3. |
English Garden
02:40
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Sitting in an english garden, fold eyes along the line to see
Crazed enough to make you hungry, while soft along the contours of a dream
While you dream, all end scene.
Tried to run these hands long this time
But lost it at the edges of the range
Wise enough to know the difference but not enough to make the subtle change
Softly strange
Ugly reins
Been waiting for this
The snow has melted from the ground
Silent stillness
Passed it first without notice
I'd do anything to stop that feedback
Latched tightly to an orbit that careens
Across our merging dispositions, fold violent on the outskirts of a peace
Been waiting for this
Said you felt scared in your message
Silent stillness
Left on read and did the dishes
Been waiting for this
Euphoria impregnates perfect sadness
Ceaseless noises
Summer highland falls loops endlessly
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4. |
Mono no Aware
04:31
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You severed the stone, intently thrown, at the bird in the alley tucked back behind St. Joe’s
Half for the windshield of the car across the street
The other half lost to the void, like the feeling I had back then
Do you feel the same thing that I do?
Mono no aware
Feel the same thing that I do
You thought up a poor lie to veil how the bird died
When the adults came by
And questioned us in the office kids went to in the worst of times.
That was before you brought me down to the basement
Where a part of me’s lost to the void, like the feeling I had back then
Do you feel the same thing that I do?
Mono no aware
Feel the same thing that I do
I think I’m doing okay these days
It’s just the pathos of all things
I called you up just so I could say
It will be here even if you’re not
It will be here even if I’m not
Do you feel the same thing that I do?
Mono no aware
Feel the same thing that I do
Remember how I brought up Marguerite’s hands to illustrate the flesh we ate back then?
When Grandma slowly faded from Alzheimer’s like a lifeless steak in that empty diner.
It now reminds me of my failing grasp of the present, memory, self, and past.
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5. |
Bloom
04:22
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I get anxious on the weekends, when I feel I’m wasting time.
But then I think about Tom Petty and how he wrote his best songs when he was 39
Say I’m young enough to change
Please say I’m young enough
Step into whatever you want to and let your spirit bloom
I get anxious on the weekdays, with a fear of missing out
But then I think about my good friends and how they always love me when I am feeling down
Say I’m strong enough to change
Please say I’m strong enough
Step into whatever you want to and let your spirit bloom
I’m hoping to bloom
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6. |
Endling
02:50
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7. |
Rosalie
02:39
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The path in her brain gets rewarded again
Where it hardens and strengthens in a looping refrain.
And masked spectres of the past reveal themselves against her will
to slide in this moment, alive again pro tem.
There’s an endless expanding drawn in the eyes
A soul decomposing, a body alive.
Rosalie lives, lives on her own
Scared like a german shepherd, in the back of the yard
Wait til morning, cares coming by
Changing her clothes, listening to
Odd things, throw the cereal on the ceiling.
Stretched screams, shallow skin, swollen feet.
Rosalie lives, lives with her own
Home like a TV sitcom, and her kids in the car
Wait til nighttime, see her again, hollow and thin
Wading through
Odd things, throw the cereal on the ceiling
Stretched screams, swollen speech, void of meaning
Sad scenes can be beared, can be handled
No thing keeps me up, keeps us screaming
It’s the hardest part, the hardest part
Just a relentless regress.
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8. |
Treat Jar
02:41
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I looked in front of me and saw a quarter in the tip jar
Shining like the north star, guiding me
My water wings
I saw everybody else start struggling to feel some kind of thing
Been pushing so hard to try and help you
You’ll never get the satisfaction
That’s why you hate me like you do
And I should have known you were perpendicular to my space
The feeling left my knees as I floated up to greet you
I know what you see when you look at me
A tongue and teeth
The sea opens beneath you, I just want to feel some gratitude
Been pushing so hard to try and help you
You’ll never get the satisfaction
That’s why you hate me like you do
And I should have known you were perpendicular to my space
I should have known
Still pushing so hard to try and help you
But losing the will to see it through
And I can’t help you if I can’t help myself
You’re gonna have to make your own coffee now
And I can’t help you if I can’t help myself
You’ll never get the satisfaction
That’s why you hate me like you do
I looked in front of me and saw my future in the tip jar
Everything is hard this time of year
The gravity
Now everybody else starts struggling to feel some kind of thing
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9. |
Human Condition
03:48
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Articulating the feeling is hard
When it’s so dense and familiar
Do I progress or just run in that spot
To Postpone the pain for a moment
Keep on this mortal coil
A straining on the path
You just gotta keep hanging on and it won’t be long
Don’t let life take your hard work
I know you feel done but you’re still so young
Sometimes living is hard hard work
I’ve always said that I’m fine when I’m not
But my eyes opened when you said
You won’t be staying around after long
Gut wrenching but what can I do?
I caught you in the long gaze
A waning telecast
You just gotta keep hanging on and it won’t be long
Don’t let life take your hard work
I know you feel done but you’re still so young
Sometimes living is hard, hard work
Looming in and out
Chaos fosters
All my darkest intent
I hear it calling now
“Please just stay here”
Do I fade or do I give in
Can’t get out of bed
So I’ll just lay here
Slow my mind down
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10. |
Split Up The Kids
04:59
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Brought out all the kids, waited for their voices to quiet.
Girls go with your mother, a better house, new Dad and bigger town.
We'll stay just the same, we'll just stay the same.
Boys this house is haunted, I hear them in the aching of the grain.
Grab the saw and hammer, build a brand new start, a brand new house just ten feet down.
We'll stay just the same, we'll just stay the same.
It's like she's barely even there.
Peeking out the window, waiting for their voices to quiet.
Grandpa slammed the car door, driving through the woods and out of sight.
She has come too soon, that Sunday afternoon.
Gray is in their hair now, still the anger shows in waxen brows.
We'll stay just the same, we'll just stay the same
It's like he's barely even there.
Before his open coffin, Grandma stands beside the fifty years she left behind.
Sadness holds me tighter, seeing them together just one time.
It's like I'm barely even there.
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11. |
Mostly Here
06:26
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Happy Birthday, dear Paul
Older once again
Read it on the wall
Compare myself to
Happy news is you
Lazy, unglued
Fills selfish grooves
Prepare myself to lose
If life’s a dream, then I’m not sleeping, I’m not sleeping in
Slow to speech
The pace is thickening, space is sickening feel
And I’m a freak
But look at me no signs what you’re missing
Faster news to you
Nothing to do
No one to be
Bite with no teeth
All the lives we lived
And all the lives to be
Are full of trees, changing leaves
If life’s a dream, then I’m not sleeping, I’m not sleeping in
Slow to speech
The pace is thickening, space is sickening feel
And I’m a freak
But look at me no signs of what you’re missing
Be a sweeter daughter
An honest father
A stronger brother
Be a selfless mother
A selfish lover
A mindless hunter
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